"Oh, you aren't the driver.So just what do you do back there?" Indeed!
Instead of following my initial impulse of wanting to snatch the condescending
tone right out of their voice when someone asks the question, I have spent
a great deal of time contemplating more mature responses. Here are a few
thoughts I have compiled so far. NOTE: They were compiled while riding
on the back, thus adding yet another great thing you can do from the back
seat.
I help with navigation as I can spot road kill faster than the driver
because I am not distracted by other things such as vehicles and road
signs that vie for the drivers attention. With a keen eye and a quick
pointer finger, I can help maneuver around any potentially dangerous
object. As a side note I am getting pretty good at identifying remains
of native Virginia wildlife. Another great benefit is that I get to
see more of the scenery than my partner. Therefore, I spend a lot of
time describing what we are passing as he can't take his eyes off the
road.
On a particularly long ride with limited scenery, I have to become
more creative to pass the time until something interesting comes along.
I have contemplated using the back of the driver's helmet for a writing
surface. I can write stories, play games, make notes to myself as we
ride along. With a dry erase marker and a little tissue I can create
all day long. Hey, I may be on to something here. Somebody get me the
number for the patent office.
A favorite back seat activity is to wave at really crabby drivers.
I am not talking cute kids who are always thrilled when you wave, although
I do wave to them too. I am talking about folks who look like they are
sitting on something painful or are too preoccupied with the day to
day drudgery of life. It's not just a little timid wave. I am talking
about a big, stupid, you-can't-possibly-ignore-me-even-if-you-wanted-to
wave. I have observed that one of two things happen: They will snap
out of their "grouch trance" and they will smile and wave back or they
will continue to ignore me - now it's contest of the wills - and I love
to rise to the challenge. I have yet to meet the driver who won't respond
to the cross-eyed, 10 fingered Bullwinkle salute. Either way, it's a
great way to pass the time.
I have determined that as the back seat passenger I have the greatest
power of all in that I have two free hands. This means that I am the
difference between lost and found as I am the reading the map and giving
directions as we are rolling down the road. More important, though,
is that I am the one holding the Slurpee and the bag of Corn Nuts! If
the driver wants something to eat or drink while we are cruising down
the long hot road, he's gotta go through me.
You know.Since I can do virtually anything from the back seat from writing
the Great American Novel to contemplating how to achieve world peace, who
needs to drive?
