Backseat - From Where I Sit

July 2001

By: Michelle

Things Your Mother Never Told You - Lessons Learned the Hard Way

I never claimed to be a rocket scientist but I have at least credited my self with a bit of common sense. Over these last few years as I have slowly become more and more familiar with the "ways of motorcycling," I have found life to be a rather merciless teacher. In order to spare many of you some of the more embarrassing encounters I have endured, I am going to share with you these pearls of wisdom. If you have already figured these out on your own, have a chuckle at my expense. However, remember the humiliation you save, could be your own.

Lesson 1: Your butt will look big in chaps. There is nothing you can do about it. Hide the mirrors and get over it! It is always safest to follow the "don't ask, don't tell" pilosophy.

Lesson 2: Snack foods can injure. Sunflower seeds can become dangerous projectiles once airborne - like when you are riding down the highway at 65 mph and the bag misses your mouth.

Lesson 3: Gravity be darned - What goes down can indeed go back up! Never dump a half-melted Slurpy on the ground as you are riding down the highway at 65 mph.

Lesson 4: Famous last words before visiting a beautician for a hair exorcism: "It’s only a short ride – no need for a hair tie." While we are on the topic of hair: Helmet hair is inevitable. Find a great stylist who can cut your hair to compliment this attribute or buy a really stylish do-rag and ignore it.

Lesson 5: Never sneeze with the helmet visor down. Trust me, you don't want me to elaborate on this one. It's not a pretty visual. Also note, unless your driver is made of wood, always move the microphone away from your mouth when you sneeze. Though the reaction is priceless, the possibility of loss of control of the motorcycle isn't worth it.

Hmmm. Now that I have had a chance to examine my list, maybe I should retract my statement about my having common sense. Oh well, I am sure this list will continue to grow as I am constantly in the process of discovery. For now, if you are aware of these simple warnings, you should be able to enjoy a carefree ride. Me? I am going to go back to school. I think I might have missed a lesson or two some where along the line.

Thanks for visiting VirginiaWind.

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