This was the big one. We had talked about it and prepared for months
for the "mother of all rides" (at least for me) from Virginia
to Maine. Until now, I had only been on baby-sized day trips that maxed
out at 400 miles. Even these shorter excursions seemed to wear me out.
In order to prepare for the long haul, some form of training was definitely
in order.
I began my effort by considering some of the rules of thumb that professional
athletes use in preparing for their activities to see if any of these
ideas could be adapted to a riding marathon. I grabbed my pen and jotted
down my first thoughts:
Get plenty of protein - After considering this a bit, I decided that
it wouldn't apply and quickly scratched it off my list. I will be supplied
with an ample amount of protein from all the bugs that will splatter
on me. Small matter that this is external protein but from my point
of view protein is protein.
Weight training - Well, considering how my backside feels after a
long ride, I couldn't decide whether it was better to gain weight for
cushioning in this area or lose it. It was too confusing so I decided
this didn't quite fit into the program either.
Abstinence - No need to get extreme! I didn't even finish writing
it on the paper before it was ruled out as an option.
This was getting me nowhere. With all my obvious choices eliminated,
it dawned on me that I would have to devise a unique program of my own
adapted to those unique issues that apply to riding for long periods.
After careful consideration, I devised more practical training: NOTE:
All training activities should begin at least one month prior to your
trip.
Problem 1:
Food consumption while riding
Training Activity 1:
Eat all meals and snacks in front of a giant fan.
Problem 2:
Backside discomfort
Training Activity 2:
Sit only on the hardest surfaces available.
Problem 3:
Neck discomfort due to weight of helmet
Training Activity 3:
Either wear a helmet at all times or to stay relatively fashionable
wear books tucked under an oversized hat.
Problem 4:
Excessive thirst with simultaneous bladder control issues
Training Activity 4:
Begin interval training at least 1 month prior to trip. This is achieved
in 2 ways -
Intake - drink large amounts of water at one time followed by long dry
spells.
Exhaust - practice not going to the bathroom for long periods of time
only to break by learning to use the restroom in even the most unpleasant
of places.
Problem 5:
Foot discomfort
Training Activity 5:
Remove all cushions from shoes. This includes any insoles or padding.
If someone knows of shoes that vibrate that would be an excellent training
tool.
So if you see me out and about over the next few weeks, I urge you to
only offer me your least comfortable chair and please don't laugh at my
headgear. I am in training.
