If the tax season has left a deep impression on both you and your bank
account don't despair, there is a sure fire method to help you keep a
little more in your pocket next year. The good news is that it is painless
and actually enjoyable. That's right, exercising your fiscal responsibility
can be simple. Forget all the expensive tax accountants and software packages
that look for hidden loopholes, you need look no further than the end
of your own driveway - your motorcycle! We already know that a motorcycle
is the most economical method of transportation. That fact is validated
every time we pull up to the gas pump. I am referring to the added cost
benefits of owning a motorcycle in every day life as it relates to our
health and well-being. Sound too good to be true? Consider the following
cost/benefit analysis:
PROBLEM: Stress Reduction
TRADITIONAL SOLUTION:
Pyschotherapy sessions: $100+ per hour.
RISK: finding out what you already knew before you went.
BENEFIT: someone actually will listen to you.
Massage: $50 - $100 per hour.
RISK: embarrassment (not all body parts may remain contained in that
little towel) and if the masseuse is great - you may accidentally propose
marriage.
BENEFIT: feels great.
Hypnotherapy: $50 - $100 per hour.
RISK: may find yourself quacking like a duck every time you hear your
phone ring.
BENEFIT: you get to keep your clothes on during treatment.
Quit job and live in a cave chanting mantras: all your money + all
your friends and family.
RISK: Caves are in limited supply.
BENEFIT: Unable to determine as anyone who has tried this method has
refused to grant interviews.
MORE COST EFFECTIVE SOLUTION
Taking a nice afternoon ride on your bike in the country: $5 - $10
in gas.
PROBLEM: Low Self-Esteem:
TRADITONAL SOLUTION
Group Therapy: $75 - $100 per hour.
RISK: you may end up with people who are worse of than you are.
BENEFIT: since you realize you are better off than they are, self-esteem
is bound to rise.
Self-Help Program: $500 - $1000 per seminar.
RISK: these people will hound you until the day you die with "follow-up"
seminars.
BENEFIT: Instant friends (at least for the few hours you are there).
Sexy new outfit = $150 - $200.
RISK: inherent danger of buying something that looks much better on
the rack than it does on you. Therefore achieving the result of ridiculous
vs. sexy, which ultimately further lowers self-esteem.
BENEFIT: Salvation Army donations are tax deductible.
PROBLEM: Health Expenses Related to Weight Gain
TRADITIONAL SOLUTIONS:
Weight Loss Program: $25 - $75 per week.
RISK: Perky counselors who insist on smiling and offering support when
the scale that is refusing to budge is obviously broken. All they should
really be doing is replacing that stupid broken scale!
BENEFIT: You will see at least one person who has more weight to lose
than you do.
Health Club membership: $50 - $100 per month.
RISK: Realization that you actually pay these people to nag you!
BENEFIT: You have an excuse to buy some really cool athletic gear.
MORE COST EFFECTIVE SOLUTION:
Try on your chaps every day: Free after initial investment of chaps!
RISK: See low self-esteem above.
BENEFIT: If the fear of having to use a shoe horn to get your chaps
on isn't motivation enough to keep you from gaining weight, nothing
is.
With all this irrefutable evidence, it is probably only a matter of time
before you can claim your bike as your tax deduction. After all, isn't
it often referred to as "your baby"?
