Backseat - From Where I Sit

September 2003

By: Michelle

Finding My "Inner Biker"

The other day a co-worker revealed to me that my boss had referred to me as "pushy". Pushy? Me. I was shocked. All my life I had thought of myself more as a "pleaser" - one of those poor souls that practically apologize for borrowing everyone else's air. Though I knew it existed, my assertive self was always crushed in the background of my psyche waiting to burst forth given the right opportunity.

Yep, that was me. But somehow over the years something had changed. What could have caused this transformation from someone to be ignored to someone to be reckoned with? After much contemplation, it occurred to me - I had found "my inner biker". Once that happened there was no turning back.

This awakening wasn't a subtle one. In fact this great metamorphosis could be solely attributed to an armload of merchandise and a rude salesclerk on a cell phone. Apparently my appearance had imposed on a heated debate with her boyfriend on the other end of the telephone line. I cleared my throat trying to get her attention as she had her back to me. She turned around and sighed heavily at my intrusion and sarcastically informed the caller that she "had to get rid of a customer". The "old me" would have waited patiently for her to set the phone down but today I could only feel the heavy basket practically ripping my arm off. A storm began brewing inside. I tried repeating my calming OMMMM mantra but before I knew it OMMMM changed to VROOM and my "inner biker" made its first public appearance.

It was as if I had stepped into a virtual superman(woman) booth and donned my invisible superhero outfit. Instead of a silly red cape, I donned a leather jacket, boots, and chaps even if it was only in my mind. Yes, at that moment "Biker Mom" was born and she was not going to be denied. I could hardly wait to right all the wrongs I had faced over the years. "No, I am not interested in a subscription!" "No, I am not interested in taking a short survey" "No, I can't bake two dozen cupcakes for a bake sale that is supposed to start in an hour!" "No, I can't sit in the car and pretend I don't know you until you and your friends need a ride to Fuddruckers!" Wow! This was starting to feel really great.

Dressed-out in my invisible "Biker Mom" outfit, I have learned the true power of "no". To date, my only kryptonite seems to be the puppy-dog eyes of my son when he makes an unreasonable request. However, I am steadily working on an antidote for that.

The main problem seems to be that "Biker Mom" is starting to take over my life more and more. Kind of like what happened to the star in that movie "The Fly" where everything is great until the day he turns completely fly except for his head and gets stuck in a spider web. Yes, too much of a good thing can certainly become a curse. Maybe I should focus more on another thing all bikers understand "The power of knowing when to apply the brakes." Well, I will contemplate that more tomorrow; for now my doorbell is ringing and it looks like an eager salesman. As I step toward the door, I hear an inner voice calling VROOOM! VROOOOM!

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