Virginia Wind - From Where I Sit May 2004

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Email Michelle at clooliss@hotmail.com.

Backseat - From Where I Sit

May 2004

The Benefits of Staying Tight Lipped

It was the perfect riding day. One of only a handful of days out of the year where the weather is just right for riding without heavy gear but not warm enough to bring on the bugs. I was very excited because I hadn’t ridden for months due to the weather and scheduling issues - You know all the little things in life that add up to not being able to get out and enjoy life. Well on this particular day all the right things came together. First my riding gear still fit. Thankfully, it was warm enough that I didn’t have to undergo the “will my butt still fit inside these chaps test” and luckily for me head size doesn’t tend to grow so donning the helmet was no problem.

I approached the bike a bit timidly at first not sure I would remember all the right moves. I let down the back foot pegs. After and entire season of being folded up in the wind, rain and snow, I wasn’t sure they would come down again but they did easily. It took this for another good omen and hopped on. We then proceeded to test the microphones. Unfortunately, Kent decided to test the mic by saying the following: “The bike feels weird as I haven’t had anybody back there for so long.” I paused for a few seconds trying to decide how I should respond to that. Finally, I decided that the day was too perfect to thoroughly question him as to what he meant by that comment so I kept my mouth tightly shut. Kent started the bike and we were off.

I was truly enjoying the wind in my face for the first time in months but I knew that this year my joy will be short-lived as something ominous looms in the horizon - something more terrible than the usual hazards of riding such as rain, the occasional flying pebbles, dust storms, and wind gusts. Yes, soon we will all come literally face to face with the ultimate road hazard. Soon they will rise up from the ground. No, I am not referring to zombies. You can outrun a zombie with a motorcycle. These vile creatures are much worse – so bad that it takes 17 long years for them to rejuvenate and strike at us again. I am talking about bug strikes of biblical proportions: The cicadas are coming and soon there will be no safe place to hide.

Forget everything you have ever known about petty little bug strikes and tiny little bug gut stains and prepare for a real battle - think exploding hail. These things are big and crunchy. They live short lives and then drop like rocks out of the sky in droves. Forget one or two little pings leaving marks on your jackets - think shotgun blasts of bug parts every where. It will be a time to see if your oil resistant boots can stand up to trying to stop on top of a pile of locust remains. No, it will not be a happy time for bikers or anyone else trying to enjoy the outdoors for that matter. It will be a time when smiling while riding could be hazardous to your health.

Clever marketers are trying to capitalize on this upcoming plague. They are even trying to convince us that cicadas are gourmet food offering them at restaurants and even posting recipes but I am not fooled. I see them for the menacing road hazard that they are. The last time these guys came through, I had one drop dead straight from the sky only to land in my coffee cup. To this day, I never sip out of a cup without carefully inspecting the contents first. If I ever eat one, it will be entirely by accident and to prevent that from happening, from now until the end of summer, I am always riding with my face shield down and my mouth clamped shut. The only way Kent will know that I am back there is because “the bike still feels weird”.

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