Backseat - From Where I Sit

February 2005

By: Michelle

Here's Your Sign

It is amazing how 7 little letters can say so much. Over the past 10 years or so, folks have been spending a few extra bucks to express themselves in a whole new way. The personalized license plate has become a billboard for hundreds of thousands of drivers across the nation. You can hardly pass a Harley on the road without seeing some form of HAWG or HOG. Volkswagen Beetles invariably have some form of BUG on their plates and during the year 2000 there were numerous references to Y2K. After all these years, I have finally decided to jump on this creative bandwagon but I want to be careful with my final decision. I don't want to make the mistakes that I have seen along the roadways. Picking the wrong words can have unintended consequences.

For example, some choices have dual meanings like 4CEFED. My son explained to me that this refers to a turbo charged engine. I am sure that the owner intended it to sound powerful and cool. However, to a layperson like myself, all I kept thinking about was poor cattle being fattened for slaughter or someone on a hunger strike. I really don't think that is what the driver had in mind. Then there is EXPLSVE. I am not sure what this driver was thinking - was it a warning for me not to hit his vehicle? Is he just begging for a visit from Homeland Security? It makes about as much sense as FASTCAR. (You might as well write your own speeding ticket in advance to save time.) Clearly, a little forethought would have come in handy in these situations.

Even the most innocent option can backfire. For instance, I drove behind LVMYDAWG for several hours on a recent trip to Georgia. At first I decided that LVMYDAWG must be a kindhearted animal lover. Without having ever met the guy, I instantly took a liking to LVMYDAWG. I even envisioned a warm cuddly Santa Claus of a man whom anyone would automatically befriend. For the first 30 minutes or so, LVMYDAWG was a gentle soul whom I could obviously trust should my car break down on the highway and I smiled to myself every time I looked up and read his plate. However, after about 90 minutes of being stuck behind LVMYDAWG in a huge traffic jam, I decided LVMYDAWG and his stupid road-hogging truck were keeping me just one car length away from the nearest exit. What was once cute and endearing was now irritating and mocking my every move. The lesson learned - avoid cute and go for something with staying power.

Versatility is crucial to the correct selection on a personalized plate as well - unisex options are best. This advice comes in handy not just when you are selecting your own plate but is just as important if you are borrowing someone else's car. In other words, know what you are proclaiming on the back of your vehicle. I can tell you that on several occasions PUDDIN and QTPIE, QT1 and SXYLDY have all turned out to be 300+ lb bearded men. So you might think twice before honking at HOTMAMA until you are sure that is truly the person behind the wheel.

There have been numerous heated debates in which Kent and I were trying desperately to decipher the plates on the car ahead of us almost to the point of rear-ending the vehicle. A good example of this is SWTBOYS. Kent is sure that it means "Sweaty Boys" instead of the more innocent "Sweet Boys". Usually, in cases like this, I finally give up and decide that the driver is an idiot who made up a bunch of random letters just to mess with my head.

Each day I diligently read plate after plate in search of ideas. Many times I am amazed and impressed by some of the creative word-play. To date, my favorite plate is FE LB ER (FE - chemical symbol for Iron, LB - pound, ER - er = Iron Pounder). This plate belongs to a very clever blacksmith. I do not personally know FELBER; However, I am convinced he is a creative genius and very skilled at his job. How else would he have been able to come up with such creative plates?

So now that I know what's already been taken and what I don't want, it's time for me to figure out what I do want. I guess I have a bit of researching to do before my plates expire next month. I vacillate between something that looks like it means something but really means nothing like FROODLE or something that will make you take out a dictionary later like TORPOR (my own way of providing a public service). I will not make the embarrassing mistake of TOROSE - seeming to innocently mean TO ROSE (probably a generous gift to the owner, Rose). Actually, according to Webster's Dictionary TOROSE means "swollen or bulging here and there" (No kidding!) I don't care if that car were a Mercedes, I wouldn't step behind that wheel for anything.

L8RG8R

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