Backseat - From Where I Sit

December 2005

By: Michelle

Sorry Wrong Number

I enjoyed an enormous season of popularity in September. Folks just couldn't get enough of me. My phone never stopped ringing. My opinion mattered. My thoughts counted. The fact that it was politcians, campaign workers and election pollsters was irrelevant. They wanted ME! - Something as a mother of a teenager I was completely unaccustomed to. Instead of blank looks that could almost, but not quite, be called boredom that my son usually gave me when I lectured him about his Latin grades, these guys hung on my every word as I complained about traffic and offered ideas on how we could fix it. They nodded in agreement when I told them that our schools were underfunded and practically burst into applause when I told them that we needed to invest more in our children. I had people willing to listen, actually listen, to what I had to say. Yep, September was my season of glory.

By October, the bloom was off the rose. It was my turn to don the look of "almost, but not quite, boredom" at the many visitors who chose to come by when it was time to walk the dog or decided to call in the middle of dinner seeking my opinion - and more importantly my vote. In fact, it had become downright irritating and invasive. Both political parties were more and more agressively seeking my approval. In an effort to get away from the constant barrage of popularity, I decided it was time to do what always clears my head - take a nice long ride. Until they find a way to broadcast a political commercial through my intercom system it is my fortress of freedom.

As I rode along I started toying with ideas on how to handle the unwanted phone calls. Instead of saying something simple like "I am not interested or I don't have time" which always elicits some guilt inducing comment that makes me feel as if I am being unpatriotic by simply hanging up. I came up with the perfect solution. The next time my phone rang and anyone asked me whether I was a Democrat or a Republican, I was going to start breathing heavily and sexily tell them "that depends on how well you can describe what you are wearing." I figure that would stun them into a temporary silence and as far as I know reverse obscene phone calls are not illegal -Problem solved.

But like a really good ride, just when you are really starting to get into it, it is time to go home. Now that I had this really great response, I didn't have the opportunity to use it. Strangely enough, the day after the election, nobody wanted my opinion any more. My phone stopped ringing. My house echoed with silence. I couldn't help myself. It was such a good line.....

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